Losing your passion :(

If there is someone who can tell you about this it’s me. As you can see at the top of my website it says “Without Passion Life is NOTHING” a very smart man/woman said this….I don’t know who it is but I bet they have their life together. Passion by definition is “an intense desire or enthusiasm for something.” And for the most part of my life (so far….cause really I’m not that old) I thought everyone had passion about one or more things, I did too I cared immensely about a lot of things most of all my dream. Turns out I proved myself wrong…

If you really think about the meaning of passion surely you will come up with something that you really care about, like maybe your family or that kinder joy collection you have…

Coming back to the point, Me!….I was very passionate till this summer. I had my life figured out, I knew where I was going and I thought I was following my dream….but today I feel like I’m in the middle of a dessert (which I am cause I live in UAE) with nothing around me. I see no light (and I’m scared of the dark) don’t know where to go. There are a few people in this darkness trying to show me direction and I try…every day I try to take a few steps in the direction that has been shown but when I look at the end of that path I can’t see the one thing I’m looking for…happiness. And because of that I stop and start looking again…..basically this is where I am at this point of my life…looking for the light.

To let you all know so you don’t make the same mistake as I did…I was always too focused towards my long term life goals what I missed to see were the hundreds of hurdles in the way…

P.S. Always be thankful and never let go of the people who try to pull you out of your darkness…because one day they are going to succeed.

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Walls.

Walls are those barriers that are around you, that stop you from behaving in a certain way or doing certain things. According to me there are 3 types of walls around us; ones those that we create for ourselves (the inner most wall), the one in the middle is what our family and loved ones create and the outer most is the one created by society.

walls

The circle is the world around us with its infinite opportunities and options all open to us if we can break our walls. Having no walls and being an absolutely free person is something that I believe only a few can achieve, maybe being such a person brings a lot of happiness, it gives you a chance to be out of control; do and say whatever you want to. Though I think that being there would be lonely cause even if you are part of the world you are not really connected with it. You are free to do anything and there is nobody to stop you……there is nobody….nobody who wants to.

Then comes the first wall, the one that society brings, these are the restrictions put on you by your religion, by the code of conduct humanity expects you to follow, by the rights and wrongs and blacks and whites created by the world. You can still do a lot of thing you want to as long as you don’t cross that unseen line. If you do cross it you might be looked down upon. Maybe an example will give you an idea of what I am thinking; I want to dance, express my feeling through my moves but my religion says that dancing and performing for the world is wrong and that’s what stops me (at least partly). Another maybe a simpler example would be swearing, some of us might want to do it openly wherever we want but society deems it to be a bad manner, that’s what stops some to do it all the time. These walls might not be so strong; if you don’t want them there, then you break it!! Me personally, even though I find them restraining I want to/ I choose to abide by them.

The wall very closely linked to the one of societies is the one created by our loved ones; parents, friends, family, spouse or maybe even our kids. This is the way these people want us to behave, and the reason we let them build up this wall is that we love them (love has or had a strong meaning {different argument for another time}), we love them enough to let them choose the way we should be. This wall is what our parents expect us to be, this wall is how our spouse or significant other wants us to be. This wall is how our children expect us to behave…..I know I know a lot of expecting instead of accepting….but that’s the thing you see only those people expect things from us who care about us….and it’s for them that we choose to be a certain way.

Another thought that just crossed my mind is that shouldn’t the people that are in our lives just accept us the way we are…..but the way we are is how we grow up to be around these people…so we grow up with these walls that become norms for us…..if this chain of thought continues it will lead to the nature versus nurture debate, which is another discussion for another time from another person.

Anyway, hoping I have clarified the idea of the second wall let’s move forward to what lies within, the inner most wall is the one we create for ourselves….the way in which we look at ourselves. My inner wall was very thick cause I created a set of rules that I would abide by, this wasn’t something that people expected from me….it was just how I thought I wanted to be….far from the world not different from it….just a wall that let me fit in…in my own way. I don’t know if a lot of people have this wall, I assume that they do….cause we all expect things from ourselves even when the world doesn’t.

So basically walls are just level of expectations that we try to live up to.

The one that I lived up to with the most dedication was the one that I created for myself. I closed myself in a little box and thought I’d be the happiest if I just stayed in there. But after school in these past few years I have met people who poked holes in my walls (that sounds wrong) …..gave me the view of what’s outside, and I’m not going to say that I loved all of it….something’s made me want a smaller box for myself but there were others that inspired me to change to grow and to try different things….

I broke down my wall and started creating a new one…giving myself more space to grow more space to find out who I can be and what I can achieve. Today I’m a happier person a very different person…and I enjoy it.

I think what I’m trying to say is, if you have those walls…poke holes in them…let some people in….see if you want to break these walls. I just choose to rebuild the one that I created for myself and I figured I’m okay with the others.

Are you okay (happy) with your walls?

Do you even have walls?