Today I felt an urge to write about something but couldn’t seem to find inspiration, so i put on some good music, danced around for a while and decided that today just wasn’t the day. But before I gave up all hope I opened the drawer to my side table took out my scrap book to go through my previous scribbles and see if a blank page could ignite my creativity…..that’s when I found the note.
I couldn’t believe my eyes…my brain rejected the possibility of the existence of such a letter written by me…but turns out that on 13/2/2016 I was SO bummed out by life that I wrote a suicide note!!
Just realized that this was a day before valentines….and this was not a desperation act by a single lady, I was engaged then and am still. SO FUCK!! I was really messed up that day.
I am not going to share what I wrote cause sometimes my loved ones read this blog…wouldn’t want to hurt them.
Though I want to say to anyone who is, will ever or has already thought about suicide that its a really stupid idea!! killing yourself is not solving any problem its just making life worse for those who actually care about you. And I understand that at a point when you think of killing yourself you are in that state of mind that you think that no one really cares….but NO that’s not true!!! There are people who love you and even if there aren’t DON’T JUST GIVE UP…fight for the life you have on earth mostly because we don’t know what comes after…for all you know its something worse. No matter how bad it is, give your brain a workout and count your blessings.
P.S. Honestly I don’t even remember what was so bad that I thought of suicide, thank God I didn’t do anything foolish then.
“Its okay to think about things just don’t let them become you” said by a wise ass (cause she is wise and has one hell of an ass 😉 )
One night I was talking to wise ass (lets just call her that) about my opinion of myself, which by the way is very negative. And no! I was not fishing for complements (which some might understand and others will never), she is just one of those people in my life who I can blabber anything to and she’ll help me figure it out. Not just that…she also knows exactly what to say and when to say it; according to me very few humans have that quality.
OKAY! I admire her too much, so I’m gonna need to write a separate post expressing that love.
Coming back to what she said… what she made me realize is that when we are trying to figure ourselves out, we judge ourselves and we put ourselves in a certain light . What we (or I) need to realize at this point is that our judgement might be wrong…. I’m not sure if I am making any sense right now……over explanation time:
Lets suppose that I think of myself as a materialistic person, obviously I have come to this conclusion after I took note of my behavior in certain situations BUT what I did not take in account is ‘has someone other than myself ever seen me in that light?’ or even that the way I understand the meaning of being materialistic might be different from how others see it. So there are chances that I could be wrong about myself but if I keep calling myself materialist….I might just become it (not that there is anything wrong in being materialistic) or if I say it out loud, then even if others don’t want to they will judge me as such.
Conclusion being if I keep thinking negative about myself I will become it…..I realize that this sounds simple to understand, but I only figured this out after talking to wise ass.
All this makes a lot of sense in my head… but I’m weird. Let me know if you understand why I wrote this.
P.S. Surround yourself with wise asses, they make this world a better place.
For hundreds of years girls all around the world have been falling in love with the same man, the perfect man, Prince Charming. Some might say that they never entertained such an idea but I think every girl no matter how her personality is somewhere deep down waiting for her prince.
I was waiting for my prince charming till the age of 17….and then I thought that there is no such (person) prince who will sweep me off my feet. That’s when the checklist got dumped and any guy became good enough. But still even today, if not openly then somewhere in my heart, I think that he is really out there, he who knows me better than myself…moving on…
I find it hilarious and apt how wiki describes Prince Charming “He is the prince who comes to the rescue of the damsel in distress, and stereotypically, must engage in a quest to liberate her from an evil spell.” Let me tell you a secret…this is exactly what every girl is looking for; actually why just girls, I think everyone is looking for exactly that. A person who will free them of all their troubles and problems [distress], and somehow the existence of this person will make the world a better place…he/she will take all bitterness [evil spell] away from life. “These characters are often handsome and romantic, a foil to the heroine … they can be viewed more as rewards for the heroine rather than characters.”
I forgot the point of this post…I got carried away defining prince charming and completely forgot why I started writing this….but anyway…
Looking at the last part of this definition that says prince charming is more of a reward for the princess rather than an actual saviour; take this definition and think again cause maybe you already found your prince…I know I have. Someone who feels like a god given gift, someone you are grateful to have, and someone you found who fits perfectly in your life. My best friend is my prince and I am hers (hopefully), she knows me better than anyone, she is my partner in crime, she is everything that I look for in a guy…I am so lucky and grateful to have found her. (too cheesy!! but true)
Having this point of view towards prince charming makes me feel better…cause I know that I’ll have my happily ever after with her.
Have you found your prince??
P.S. My mom fits perfectly in this definition but she is my queen soooo she can’t be my prince. 😀